#20 Y.O

I’m 20 and I don’t know what I want. I could explain to you all the things my heart desires, by the time I finish I would have changed my mind again. Why didn’t anyone explain the feelings of being 20 ? Wish a 21 year old would have told me how 20 feels. Life has felt so real lately! I love it! Every day I can honestly say has been enjoyable. 20 makes me question what world I used to live in. Was I sleeping? Am I awake? Or is this all a dream that will come crashing down as soon as I wake up? 20 is a hell of an age. It’s as golden as Pony Boy Curtis! I will never be 20 again! Such a bittersweet emotion sweeps my soul when I think about that way. I’m going to wake up, God willing, at 83 one day and remember what it was like to be 20. I’m such a child of the world but old enough to go out and explore it. It’s such a beautiful thing, 20.
Aside from feeling invincible, I feel guilty. I shouldn’t be this happy, or should I? I’m 20 and I have no idea what’s next. It’s so easy to look at my peers and their accomplishments and feel lost in a way. Even feel a little behind. Maybe at 21 I will be completely comfortable with where I am in life. After all how can any human being be comparable?  Too complex to be paired or grouped. When I begin to feel lost or behind I remember I’m only 20. A child of the world who’s barely old enough to explore it. Snap myself back into reality and try to think on a smaller “non-invincible” scale…like “Taylor brush your teeth, then wash your face. etc…”
I’m 20 with 6 months left to go and I just realized whatever I was waiting on happened. I am exactly where I’m suppose to be! From here until 83 and beyond, it’s all about fulfillment. Things I used to want I don’t want anymore. Why now at 20, does everything seem more basic? Everything seems so reachable. My mind dropped the static and now I see things for what they truly are.  I ask that you excuse me while I start my exploration. I’ll excuse you for assuming I’m late for starting at 20. Just know, if I say I’ll do something I will, but in the manner of a 20 year old.

I love you if you love me. I love you if you hate me. I hate you if you wish you were me…too complex to be grouped or paired 😉 I’m 20 and I’m incomparable.

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